


The Void Within

by Disaster_Sins (Disaster_Writes)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dying Levi, I am thinking of making this into a series, I just wanted pain, I took some information from the manga and put it here, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Injured Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), It's not explicit mcd, Levi had pretty much given up on fighting for the world, M/M, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Reincarnation, it's more reference / implied, look I wanted pain, so this is roughly after chapter 115
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 06:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20335501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disaster_Writes/pseuds/Disaster_Sins
Summary: Levi is severely injured after the battle with Zeke in chapter 115. He reminisces about his life years ago and why he is still fighting. Sometimes, you just have to give up in this world and try again in the next life.





	The Void Within

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed as of 8/21
> 
> Fic inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Ib9gfLugw
> 
> Look, I just wanted pain and something to cure my aching heart. I may make this into a series / fic but with how my life is; the updates would be slow as fuck. I have been dragged into SNK hell and I have 0 regrets.

Alone. He hated being alone. It caused unwanted thoughts to course through his mind, hardships and regrets always pushed forward. Guilt was forever pushing closer. Dark blue eyes looked up at the wooden ceiling, his lips pulled into a deep frown. It’s been four years since the battle for Shiganshina District, four years since Erwin’s death. He should have fought harder, fought Eren and Mikasa more. He shouldn’t have cowed to their distrusting stares and their attacks. Had it been worth it? Was it all worth it? 

Levi looked down at the bleeding stump that was the reminder of his right arm, the wound was too deep and he knew it. His right calf was in shreds and wrapped, hell; he could feel bandages and couldn’t see out of his right eye. “Some captain I am.” He croaked out, giving a cough and chewing at the inside of his lip. In four years, his squad has gotten stronger but at what cost? Were they really worth living for anymore; between the war with Marley and Libero. He was tired, his body exhausted and torn to the bones. “How many squads will it be until I learn my lesson? How many more lives will be lost? I’m not him… no matter how hard I try.” Levi let his hand fall to the bed and looked down at the bandages. Was he ready to leave this world? Leave Eren, Mikasa, Hange behind? 

His world was much darker, there was no one to reassure him that he was doing the right thing. To tell him that the sacrifices meant something in this god forsaken world. He lifted his left hand and placed it over his eyes, enjoying the temporary darkness. “So, why am I fighting to stay alive? Everyone I loved, they’re gone. They were taken from me and I can’t get them back. I-I can’t. Not anymore.” He should feel scared, feel anxious; instead he felt nothing. Turning his head, he stared at the bandages. Even now, he was barely staying awake; not when he could feel himself slipping away. That blast really did a number on him, in the distance he could hear yelling but did he really want to move his head and look out that door? 

A small yet serene smile was on his lips, his body relaxing into the temporary bed that he was given. Would it be wise for him to just rip the bandages off his arm, causing the wound to open even more and start bleeding out again? Would it be wise for him to simply grab a shard of glass from the side table and end himself that way? What was the right way?

Levi became distracted when he thought back to that final battle. How Zeke ripped the pin of the thunder spear out and let it explode in his stomach, catching Levi in the blast. He didn’t remember much but- Eren never should have turned out the way he had. It was because of that man. The man who not only formed the Yeagerists, but killed Erwin and many more during the battle of Shiganshina four years ago. That bastard. A shuddering breath was drawn from Levi’s lips as he simply closed his eyes, feeling each throb of pain from each missing limb. “Is this what you felt you bastard?” He seemed to whisper to himself, the world around him growing duller and fainter with each moment. 

He barely registered the door to his room opening, Hange’s voice talking to him. They’ll be okay without him. They have Mikasa, they have Armin… It should be fine. All the fight has left him wanting, empty when there should have been someone at his side. They shouldn’t have died, not when they could have been saved.  _ I swear, I am going to find you again Erwin. When I do, I’m going to smack you so hard that you’re going to be on the floor. _ Levi hissed internally, he could feel his chest rattling while he struggled to breathe.  _ You motherfucker, you promised not to leave me behind and look what you did. I could have saved you! I could have protected you! You selfless bastard. Gambling on everything only to just lose your life in one last death charge. I am going to strangle you Erwin Smith, Just you wait. _

The world grew darker, no noise was to be heard and he- he was at peace. He felt like he was floating in nothing, he struggled to open his eyes. Levi didn’t hear Hange’s concerned cries, their pleads for anyone to help. It was quiet- peaceful. A part of him didn’t want to open his eyes, fearing that he would see a face that wasn’t his. The sensation of hands on his cheeks, tender and warm was the first thing he sensed. Who? 

“Open your eyes Levi.” Came an all too familiar timber, the baritone sound was something of only his dreams right? He didn’t want to open them, not yet. What was preventing him from opening them? Was it his fears? His yearning mind? Or something much more deeper, he didn’t want to be abandoned again. “You’re safe now.” No- he wasn’t safe. This could all be a dream, if he opened his eyes- then the voice would be gone. He couldn’t deal with that. Levi simply shook his head out of fear. 

“Come now, Don’t you want to see where you are?” The tone had shifted from tender to teasing, it was almost like it was real. Maybe just one look, that wouldn’t hurt right? “Your thoughts are louder than your voice, you know. There’s nothing to be afraid of, not anymore.” That was what caused Levi to finally open his eyes. The first thing was that it was completely white around them, it was just nothing. He could- He could see out of his right eye again. His gaze was drawn to the tall man before him. 

Familiar blonde hair was parted down the center, the tired lines of war were gone on the other’s face. Cerulean eyes were looking straight at him, they were filled with an emotion that he didn’t want to describe just yet. Levi’s right hand reached out, almost hesitant he laid it on the other’s cheek. He could feel the warm flesh underneath his hand. This was real. “Am… Am I dreaming?” Levi asked more to himself as he took in the other’s appearance. Not much has changed but there was the right arm. It was back which for a human wouldn’t have happened naturally. 

“If dreaming is an endless white world? Then yes.” A smile cracked at the corners of his lips, soon bringing the other close and into an embrace. “You have a strange way of dreaming, Levi.” The man adjusted his hold, a hand soon came to rest against the back of levi’s skull and one was on the other’s back. Encasing the smaller man in a protective hold.

“Erwin.” Levi was shocked at first before his own arms reached up and wrapped around the other’s shoulders. The fucker still smelt the same, worn leather with a hint of cinnamon. Levi found himself nuzzling into the other’s chest. “I don’t want to wake up then. I think I should ask where we are but- I don’t give enough of a shit to care.” He murmured before tilting his head back, looking into the other’s warm gaze. 

Erwin was smiling even more, his eyes were once alight with something other than self hatred and death. “Purgatory, I think. We can either go back to our world, or start anew in a different one… I think. Technically, you’re still alive Levi, you can still go back.” There was a way out for the other and Erwin wanted the other to thrive in that world. His job on the other hand was done, his body was nothing more than a pile of bones now. 

“I don’t want to go back.” That statement seemed to shock Erwin, the man staring down at Levi in surprise. “It was grey, falling into ruins with nothing but war and more Titans. I don’t want to be alone in that world again, despite having the others around me. I’m ready to follow you Erwin, to hell with that world.” Levi’s hands clutched the other’s jacket, the canvas fabric caved underneath. “It’s a cycle and I want nothing to do with it.” 

Erwin was quiet, listening to the other’s outbreak and reasoning. Had they really learned nothing? Even with the titans, there was still war. He took a calming breath and removed his hand from Levi’s head. Instead, he reached down putting it underneath levi’s chin and tilting the man’s head up. “If that is truly how you feel, I will not stop you from following me. This new world, it’s different. There are more people and weapons abound but- I have a feeling that we will retain our memories. So, no matter where we end up. Find me, Levi; For I will find you.” 

Erwin leaned down and kissed Levi, he could feel the other’s fingers in his hair. The stillness around them suddenly came to life, gusts of wind surrounded them. Erwin closed his eyes as he continued to kiss the other, keeping Levi close and shielding him. Just for this moment, he could feel again.

The bright world around them slowly darkened once more, but this time; it was a change that they were going to control. “Find me, my beloved.” He whispered, feeling Levi slip out of his grasp once again. His hands reached out, Levi’s tone had picked up in panic but soon even it grew quiet once more. He could feel a force pushing him away from Levi, He could hear the cries of his name grow softer and quieter. 

It wasn’t long until Erwin’s mind and world went dark once more, his heart crying out for Levi as he entered a new chapter of his life. If you could call being reborn a new chapter.  _ I’ll find you Levi, just like the old days. I’ll always protect you. _


End file.
